I remember being at my uncles wedding as a teenager. The dinner was over and the music started. Everyone was on the dance floor having fun when out of the corner of I spotted her! My Mom! She was doing the most embarrassing thing a Mom could do to her teenage daughter in public! Yep! She was dancing…or something like it (Sorry Mom!)! There she was - gyrating, flailing, head-bobbing, shimmy-shimmying, and lip-synching words to a song that she didn’t know. I was horrified! But, what made matters worse was that she spotted me looking at her (obviously oblivious to my utter and complete embarrassment) and she waved at me to come dance with her. I reluctantly did! But, insisted on giving her the teenage eye-roll and scowl! The one that says: “Stop it Mom! You are Soooo Uncool and you are Totally Embarrassing Me Infront of Everyone!”
Well, little did I know that I would be eating my words in the future!
You see, I love to dance! In my late teens and early twenties I would head to the bar with my closest BFF’s and we dance all night! And, we were pretty good too. At least my girlfriends were good and I would like to think that I could hold my own. But, since I had kids, I’ve had little opportunity to do so. I gave up dancing when my belly got so big that I my movements felt less like dancing and more like an impression of a scared chicken.
But, yesterday was that day that I actually got to try out my dancing skills. Jake and I were listening to music and we started an impromptu dance party. I was moving body, shaking my hips, bobbing my head, waving my arms up in the air and I started to think that this first attempt at dancing may not be so bad. WRONG! I saw Jake, my two year old, looking at me with a little frown on his face that told me it was bad. VERY BAD! I looked down at myself and saw what he saw! My arms, hips and legs were moving, but not even remotely close to being on beat! I looked like one of the rejects from So You Think You Can Dance. The ones that you so feel bad for because they just don’t truly grasp how very bad they are.
I was disappointed. This is just another example of things that they don’t tell you in baby books and that I feel would have been useful to be informed about. Things like:
1) Morning sickness can also include afternoon and evening sickness;
2) Expect that you or your children will never leave the house clean (Murphy’s Law – if it is clean, they will find a way to put their sticky, dirty hands on it);
3) After you have kids you may no longer be able to laugh, run, sneeze, or jump on a trampoline because you may risk peeing your pants;
4) The laundry pile will be now a permanent fixture in your house;
5) Expect that there may be times where you may not shower for three days in a row, and there may even be times where you question when you had your last shower;
6) Expect to not sleep until your kids are safely out of the house; and
7) Your child will have at least one major temper tantrum in the middle of Wal-Mart (plan your exit strategy in advance);
As if this wasn’t bad enough add to the list:
8) After you have kids, you will lose all sense of coolness and you will now dance like YOUR MOTHER.